No Negativity Mantra is a Bunch of Bull!

“I will absolutely not tolerate negative people!”  This is what I heard recently from a young woman who is on the rise like a rocket into the Internet marketing business.  I listened to the nearly 8 minute sales video that centered on how I too could have the money, the health, the travel,  the perfect life once I was a graduate from her sales course.  But before I could join I must know she has  a “Zero Policy for Negativity”.

Sounds great doesn’t it?  You want to sign up! This is the person you want to be involved with!  Not so fast! Think again!  Who gets to determine what is negative?  If you voice that you have not been given all that was promised to you are you being negative?  If you get a feeling that something just isn’t right and you want to discuss it, are you being negative? If you call someone out on his or her dishonesty are you just being negative? I believe this is one of the best tactics used today to keep people shut down, shut up and basically little sheeple!  Baaaaad decision!

Let me explain how setting the precedent for “No Negativity” works to control behavior. Human beings are very uncomfortable when they hold two opposing beliefs.  The opposing beliefs cause discomfort in the body/mind and therefore one of those beliefs must give way to the other in order to resume balance and harmony. I call this justification, denial or head in the buttocks but the psychological term is Cognitive Dissonance.

Cognitive Dissonance is a the term coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954 to describe the feeling of psychological discomfort produced by the combined presence of two thoughts that do not follow from one another.

Here are examples of conflicting thoughts that create Cognitive Dissonance

I value financial security – I am in love with a  financially unstable guy.
Our Pastor is a man of God – He is making sexual advances towards me.
I am a savvy businesswoman – I have been scammed and taken advantage of.

We cannot hold these two opposing thoughts for very long before we begin to justify one over the other.   The mind begins to make excuses for not wanting to face the dilemma starring us in the face.  Typically we will justify the part that makes us uncomfortable.

Examples:

I don’t mind if my partner is financially unstable he has so many other wonderful qualities.
I must be causing the Pastor to come onto me or he is really just being caring and loving.
As a smart businesswoman I wouldn’t fall for a sales pitch. Maybe this course or product is worth it.

Festinger states “it is easier for people to change their beliefs than to change behavior patterns.” He goes onto say “people feel motivated to change the uncomfortable feeling created by having conflicting beliefs and behaviors and therefore they look to the easiest way to reduce those negative feelings, resulting in a change of beliefs.”

According to psychologist here are the top 3 ways we resolve cognitive dissonance NOT necessarily in favor of our values.

• Find more supportive beliefs that will out weigh the conflicting belief (I paid a lot of money for this product. It proves I am worth it)
• Reduce the importance of the conflicting belief. (I don’t need to be financially stable when I have a loving man.)
• Change the conflicting belief so that it is consistent with other beliefs or behaviors. (All Pastors make women feel sexy and wanted)

All of us are susceptible to cognitive dissonance but some people are more susceptible than others. But there is a solution!

According to several psychological experiments and John M Grohol, PsyD “people who were extraverted were less likely to feel the negative impact of cognitive dissonance and were also less likely to change their mind. Introverts, on the other hand, experienced increased dissonance discomfort and were more likely to change their attitude to match the majority of others in the experiment.”

Dr. Grohol also goes onto say you may not be able to change your personality but you can change your level of awareness. What have I been saying? Oh Snap! Self awareness pays off!  Get Dr. Grohol’s New Book!

Top 4 things you can do to increase your awareness and help reduce the cognitive dissonance in your life.

1. Watch how many times you start to justify or change your beliefs just so you can stop feeling uncomfortable.
2. Listen to how many buts are in your statements! The conflicting belief comes right behind your but!
3. Examine what you value for an extended period of time before making a final decision.
4. When you feel something isn’t right Speak Up don’t keep silent just to avoid being uncomfortable.

So let’s go back to the “Zero Tolerance of Negativity” statement.

If you join the group or the company you are stating that you are NOT a negative person.  You are a superstar. You are Mr./Mrs. Positive!  So what happens when you have an issue or complaint about services, products or promises? Uh Oh!

You are now in major conflict and cognitive dissonance has set in!  You don’t want to be known as a liar do you? Because you said you were positive right? You agreed to “No Negativity”

If you’re a marketer you know this is your best defense against refunds, complaints or bad testimonials from members or attendees. You have just manipulated the minds of those you care so deeply about helping!

You know what I have to say about that? Snap Out of It!!

Wake Up to the fact that your desire to NOT be uncomfortable makes you vulnerable to those who know how to manipulate your discomfort levels.

Stand Up to the people who tell you, you are less than if you point out in discrepancies and bad behavior in your relationships or business endeavors.

Snap Out of It!  Don’t give your power away to people just because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable.  Have the courage to question what you are told and call a spade a spade!

Only then can you really Wake Up, Stand Up & Snap Out of It and Ignite Your Snap Power!